I am torn. I keep saying, “Yes!” to things I love the sound of, and saying, “Yes,” to things I am willing to do. I want to live a generous, plentiful life, changing what I can, experiencing what I can.
I also want to cut back. I want to do fewer things and do them well. I feel that I leave too many things at 85%. I work to a point of good enough and move on to the next. If I’m lucky. Other times, I rush from task to task, just keeping all the boats afloat.
I wonder, at times, what it would be like to live in a clean and tidy house all the time. I wonder what it would be like to inhabit a life full of enough time that what I did was accomplished with enough time for graciousness, for completion.
Of course, I also know that I am drawn to projects – to passionate immersion over cog-and-gear routine.
So is there a final conclusion to this inner dialogue? It seems likely to me that as a homeschooling mother the decision isn’t entirely in my hands. This just is a life of juggling chainsaws, flaming bowling pins, and that soft, squishy thing from the back of the fridge. But…but should I try to cut back and simplify?
At the very least I can change my attitude so that I am as gracious as possible within my own mind as I move through the week.
2 thoughts on “Inner Dialogue”
I had a very similar inner dialogue just last week when I felt that my time was owned by everyone else but me. I think that being a parent or someone who others rely on regularly is at the heart of why we feel the way we do. My aim is to simplify and focus on fewer loves than more.
Love this post! I feel like you took my angst and expressed it better than I could.