Inner Dialogue

I am torn. I keep saying, “Yes!” to things I love the sound of, and saying, “Yes,” to things I am willing to do. I want to live a generous, plentiful life, changing what I can, experiencing what I can.

I also want to cut back. I want to do fewer things and do them well. I feel that I leave too many things at 85%. I work to a point of good enough and move on to the next. If I’m lucky. Other times, I rush from task to task, just keeping all the boats afloat.

I wonder, at times, what it would be like to live in a clean and tidy house all the time. I wonder what it would be like to inhabit a life full of enough time that what I did was accomplished with enough time for graciousness, for completion.

Of course, I also know that I am drawn to projects – to passionate immersion over cog-and-gear routine.

So is there a final conclusion to this inner dialogue? It seems likely to me that as a homeschooling mother the decision isn’t entirely in my hands. This just is a life of juggling chainsaws, flaming bowling pins, and that soft, squishy thing from the back of the fridge. But…but should I try to cut back and simplify?

At the very least I can change my attitude so that I am as gracious as possible within my own mind as I move through the week.

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