It’s hard to know how to talk about this, but I’ve got a bad case of burnout. It’s a feeling I know from homeschooling all these years, a March kind of feeling that brings a sense of heaviness, greyness, weariness. But it’s not March. It’s not the end of a long Manitoba winter. And I’ve been living with it for a few months now. I had burnout before we even started homeschooling.
The thing is, this is coming at a time when my kids need me most. Miss a few weeks in grade 3 or grade 7 and you’ve got years to smooth it out. But it’s grade 12 and 10 around here and they need me. They need me to be motivated and motivating. To be witty. To be wise.
I feel like everything, even happiness, is in greyscale.
Sandra is doing fine with it. Not loving it, struggling a bit with her own sense of grey, but moving forward with her tasks and getting things done. Matthias, on the other hand, is not a self-propelled student and lacks confidence. I really feel like I’m failing him, and this shovels a heavy layer of guilt and panic over the greyness.