is it about balance or the story in my mind?

Like many people who have Opinions about what life ought to hold, I am naturally involved in many organizations and projects. I want something to be, and I’m willing to stick my hand in the air and volunteer.

I’m also introverted. I’m no longer the pathologically shy introvert I used to be, but I am still introverted despite my social boldness. My fondest wishes center around a quiet, busy homelife with vast swaths of time for reading, knitting, playing games, walking, and thinking.

These two facts are in conflict. I know this.

I am also the emotional barometer for the family – when they’re stressed, I’m stressed; when I’m stressed, they’re stressed.

This third fact is also at play.

At this point we might as well add the fact that I am sick and tired of having to invent everything I want in life and want to live in a community where I can just show up for the awesomeness rather than have to make it happen.

So is my life out of balance right now? Or am I telling myself a story about my free time that is making me stressed?

What I am wondering is whether or not my anxiety would dissipate if I chose to see my abundantly busy life as just that – abundant – a sign of joyous bounty. I’ve been trying to train my thoughts to replace one set of reactions and thoughts with a more positive set.

I will admit that I still feel anxious every time I think of the next 6 months. A little, heart-fluttering, worry monster takes up residence in my chest. Little puffs of adrenaline enter my system.

Perhaps you have a magical thought to drop in the comments section. (Perhaps not. We all know that much of blogging is a form of thinking in public and sometimes it’s just valuable to put the thought into words.)

Advertisements

One thought on “is it about balance or the story in my mind?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s