As a mom, as a homeschooling mom, I’m in charge of everything, as it were. I throw the parties. I have the ideas. I make things happen. It’s not ideal, and Rainer and I talk about it, but the reality is that we’re all given 24 hours in the day and in a family people need to specialize for a full life to be efficiently managed.
Once in a while it catches up with me. I’m tired of making things fun for others. I’m tired of making things fun for me. During these times I laughingly (but with a melancholy undertone) say, “I don’t wanna BE the mom, I wanna HAVE a mom!”
I’m wondering if it’s partly due to the fact that we are so home-focused. We’re homeschoolers and we’re introverted. For the vast majority of time we are happy together. But I crave unpredictability of social interaction sometimes: people laughing at unexpected moments in a familiar story; people with different herbs in their spaghetti sauce.
I also need to feel like someone else is charging my battery. Mothering is a lot about managing people’s batteries. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they cranky because they’re hungry? Do we need to get out of the house? How many activities in a week are enough/too many? And so on. And then I crave – all of a sudden like a rogue wave just pounding a ship from the side – I wantwantwant someone to charge my battery. It’s almost always when Rainer’s stretched equally thin.
So, life, I want you to throw me a party. Give my life some sparkle. Make me laugh at unexpected stories. Give the food a new flavour. Let me feel like someone is tending to my needs and my desires. Let me be a passenger while someone else drives.
And on that note, I realize I need to go see to the laundry, lol.