For the first time ever, I’m feeling an end-of-the-school-year pressure. I feel behind. Especially in the subjects that are supposed to have taken us a year. Math. Science. History. Grammar. We aren’t ‘nearly done’. It is our first year switching away from learning all the year through and taking many small vacations, stopping and starting curricula as we finish. In other words, its our first year trying to ‘do school’.
It’s stressing me out. How can we have so many lessons left? Are we lazy? Are we mentally lagging? What the heck?
And it’s coinciding with a lovely visit from my Oma, someone we see perhaps once a year. There’s every reason in the world to kick back and hang out.
Stress is the tension between two standards, it seems to me. The tension between the list you make and the time left in the day. The perception of what you desire fighting with the reality of the possible. Stress isn’t just crisis or having lots to do; people rise above and thrive time and time again. It’s a mental state that brings you into conflict within yourself.
I don’t have answers for myself just yet. I don’t have a way of bring the mental tension under control, of reconciling the pulling forces to find a place to rest in between. I’m just breathing deeply, connecting with now, forgiving myself, and moving within the moment.
And snitching vereniki.