Sometimes

Rain

___

Sometimes it’s hard to homeschool. Sometimes you wonder why you’ve chosen a life that’s about getting other people to jump through hoops rather than having the satisfaction of jumping through your own hoops. Sometimes being the boss of everyone (as it sometimes feels) is just a weight dragging at you.

Sometimes it’s hard to mother. Sometimes you wonder why he’s yelling at you. Sometimes you wonder why you hear, “Just a minute,” four hundred and nineteen times per day. Sometimes you wish they knew how good they have it and would be grateful. Sometimes you wonder what it would be like to be a Taoist monk pondering the essential flow of the universe rather than convincing someone to brush their teeth/do physio/wipe the table/turn off the TV.

Sometimes it’s hard to be. Sometimes you make lists in your head and your body can’t keep up. Sometimes you wish you had a thousand wishes. Sometimes you wish you were young again and believed in a thousand wishes. Sometimes you just think about other times.

Sometimes you wish someone had a solution.  You wish you had a solution.  Sometimes you wish you knew which problem needed attention.  Chickens and eggs dance in your mind and neither wants to take the lead, they just circle round.

Sometimes.  This time.  But not all times.

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18 thoughts on “Sometimes

  1. Patte in ri says:

    yep you got it! Because sometimes a volcano erupts in Iceland so your husband gets stuck in Germany and won’t be home as planned, so the money you thought you’d be saving by driving halfway across the country “on vacation” to get your mother back to her house will now be spent on boarding the dog who needs to be boarded because a volcano erupted in Iceland so… sigh…

    • Kelly says:

      Hi Patte,

      just wanted to chime in with my woes—my Mom died in November after a fairly long illness and lots of travel back and forth for me and 9 yr old son between Calgary and Vancouver. Since then, washing machine broke and needed repair x2 and then replacing, Wile that was happening, the dishwasher broke and needed replacing. Husband in bad car accident and car totalled but he is fine. Dad with Alzheimer’s had heart attack, very sick, travelled to Kelowna for one week. Day before leaving glasses broke-no spare pair. Oven went on the fritz while I was away. Gratefully I repaired it when I got back. Now cat limping and collapsing when he walks!… 🙂

      I share this not to “out woe is me” anybody, but it has been bloody hard and I really hear you about your situation now as well. There are no ‘for sures’ in this life are there? Who knew there were volcanoes in Iceland???? that could cause this much disruption to the whole world? Let’s breathe and count our blessings and hug our kids and hubbies and lame cats… peace to you and prayers for your husband’s safe return home soon. 🙂

  2. cisa says:

    Sometimes. But, then, your son makes up his own page of extra credit division with remainders in math “just because”, or pulls out his journal without being asked just to write about Easter.

    And, sometimes, your daughter crawls into your lap during reading and tells you “I love you, you little mommy.” And, you know that you’re doing okay. They are becoming the independent self-motivated lovers of learning that made you want to begin homeschooling in the first place. And, they are becoming the loving, warm-hearted people that, even on a bad day, you know they realy are.
    Keep the faith! Your children do have a wonderful life!
    Blessings on your homeschooling journey!

  3. Kelly says:

    Uhm…yeah, right on. you said it sister. you all nailed it. pretty much how I feel too. This blog is my new happy place. It is the treat I give myself usually at the end of the day, but today the beginning. So, lovely for me, and gratitude for you Sarah. You inspire me and take the time to write what is also inside of me but I don’t quite get there.

    Bless you soul sister on the prairies. Peace.

    P.S. Blessings to all you wonder-women out there living this life/dream of motherhood, homeschooling (or not), knitting, creating,living, loving and hopefully laughing along the way!

  4. ~L~ says:

    ohhhhhh you made my heart feel better. I had a month like this last month. It is hard when you doubt your entire life’s choices.

  5. catalinakel says:

    And sometimes it helps to write it all down, to share it with a friend. As always, thanks for sharing. You nailed it.

  6. kellyi says:

    You. Read. My. Mind.

    No really – I have been telling my kids how lucky they are to have the life they have when our neighbours children are preparing for the return to school tomorrow and mine won’t even brush their teeth!

    So glad it isn’t just us – thank you so much for sharing.

  7. ChristineMM says:

    Thank goodness another real and honest blog post about homeschooling. I’m begging homeschool bloggers to tell more of the imperfect times. I’m sick of only seeing posts of the perfect moments around the blogosphere, it gives a wrong impression of reality.

    I got flack on my blog for talking real last month. Whatever.

    Love your blog for its realness. Thanks.

  8. Sasha says:

    Thank you all for sharing your insights and thoughts – I’m a yet-to-be-homeschooler but love reading about everyone’s experiences before I actually get stuck in (have to make the kids before I can school them!) and it is awesome to encounter the real, whole-world, realistic accounts of homeschooling – love it, thank you so much! And my thoughts and warm fuzzies are with you of course 🙂

  9. Nancy P. says:

    ALL the time God is good! We only see it sometimes because we are human. ALL the time as Christians we are forgiven. We only forgive some of the time. Thankful for your words today, I am. I have been struggling with homeschooling several of my 8 children since our baby died 7 weeks ago…

    Sometimes I am sad, but not all the time–I know she is safe with our Savior and I know I’m not the perfect mom, wife, homeschooler, etc. Only leaning on God’s grace can get me through.

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