On my mind as I do oodles of prep work for the fall…
How much is too much?
Where does the balance sit between believing in Matthias and what he can be and honouring who he is today?
Is an active, busy family schedule keeping us from a simple, slower life or just the way we relish the days we live?
What one word can I use to remind myself of the importance of the important things as compared to the clamor of the urgent things?
Why do I always think I can accomplish 12x more in a free day than I really can?
If I stop pushing myself all the time, will I collapse back to the lazy, unfocused drifter I fear that I used to be? Am I destined to prod myself for the rest of time because it’s in my nature to move forward?
What if I’m not as good a homeschooling mother as I should be?
Why don’t I go have some tea and yogurt and let things sort themselves out?
___
Handmade Homeschool 
Most of those questions sound all too familiar to me. They go through my head every year about this time. I’m sure you’ll get it sorted just fine.
Sorry those thoughts are heavy on your mind. I know that mood and the only thing to do is get it over with. A good night’s sleep is usually the trick for me, or a complete escape movie to get my mind off the real world.
I don’t think we need to “fear” these times of more questions than answers… they’re important b/c they push us to re-evaluate, re-focus, maybe to heal (from our past if we allow ourselves to go there), to re-affirm who we want to be and the baby-steps we’ll take to get us further towards our goals. I do find this process somewhat exhausting however, and appreciate when I fall into the seasons of life where I feel like I’ve got “the answers” I need. Alas, things/people never stay the same and we quickly move into a new season of questioning & searching out wisdom. Besides, nothing worthwhile comes without a measure of labor, I think, and parenting and homeschooling are most definitely worthwhile 🙂
Me again – a couple times recently you’ve made mention of things from your past (weight loss; or today about seeing yourself as “lazy & unfocused”) and I wonder if you’ll ever post more specifically about these things and how you have or continue to overcome in these areas. 15 years ago I was over 200 lbs (binge eater) and am currently at 145 (have been lighter but stayed here after baby #3); I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety and sometimes I struggle with fear about “what if I end up back there”. I know that my honesty with others about my past and struggles has not only allowed me to heal but has encouraged others in their own lives. I recognize this is personal and may totally not fit what you want your blog to be about. But if you’re open to it, I’d be interested in the discussion.
Many of these questions weigh on me too, especially the concern about whether I’m a good enough homeschool mother. I worry and worry. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone.
I know you may be asking questions as part of your process — but here are some answers that came to me —
It’s too much when the drudgery outweighs the joy in an over all kind of way.
That balance is fluid — just as he is becoming and shifting daily — that balance is going to be all over the place — so be patient and remember that you may have to find the balance again and again.
It’s the way you live. It’s rich and fabulous and family. Don’t fall for the “either or” way of thinking. I have always felt how you value the slow and simple and make room for it. There’s a season for both.
I don’t know that word.
I always expect to do way more. I forget to remember all the interruptions — eating, rabbit trails, the phone, the kids….
Really, I don’t know you very well — but I imagine that you’ve outgrown the woman you describe here. And maybe you could try not pushing if pushing is getting uncomfortable.
Now this question I recognize! The small glimpses I get of your kids show me competent, brave, independent, open, willing, and eager people. They seem curious and engaged. I’ve read about the thought and energy you put into providing an education that works for all of you. I’m thinking you’re are a seriously wonderful homeschooling mom.
It’s tea and melon for me……….then back to the chore list.
You said: “What if I’m not as good a homeschooling mother as I should be?”
What if I take a moment (or two or ten) to appreciate how good a homeschooling mother I am?
It came to me after I posted that perhaps this is a good time to state the reason you are thinking of these things.
I think that it is because you are a very caring mother who loves her children very much.
If you didn’t care so much the thoughts would not weigh you down.
Knowing the source of our worry sometimes comes from a place of deep caring helps explain why it is not always easy to drop a question that we realize may not be the best for our morale at the moment.
While we know it may help boost or mood to “drop the subject and don’t worry about it so much” it is not easy to do.
But it is amazing that on another day, when in another mood, little things show themselves and it makes us realize we have been on a right and good path all along and we’re happy to never have strayed off to another direction, even when sometimes we were tempted by the other idea that it might be better, or if we thought maybe we didn’t do the best thing by making our choices or by thinking we are maybe “not good enough”.
I hope what I’m trying to communicate is coming through…
I think the number of questions you ask highlights how much care you put into your family – and answers your questions about how good you are at what you do!
The last question in particular I can answer for you – YES! Go, relax and enjoy your cuppa and yoghurt, let things move as they will.
I’ve left an award for you on my blog, i would love for you to drop by 🙂
Cheers, Naomi
that should fix the dodgy link lol
ta.
Your last line in the post? The best.
I think as a mother I feel that way…add homeschooling to it and feel it even more.
Homeschooling my 4 kids is such a challenge some days I wonder if we are going to “make it” then if I sit back for a while it’s amazing how it just calms down and works out …by it self.
Stress….that’s why I knit.
I am always asking myself many questions, like you, and for me mixed with doubts.
But in the end, from the bottom of my heart, I know I will make the right decisions and I am the best that I can be at that moment for my children.
I have been busy planning for next year here too, and deciding who is staying at home for school and who if any, is going back to public school…
Other questions begotten by your questions:
If I had a time-turner (thanks, Dumbledore) could my list be possible?
Where are the time-turners being handed out?