March is…

…a month of reflection. Often, it is a month of melancholy.  I commonly cry in March.  A month of bitter self-examination, of feeling like a failure as a homeschooler. Spring looms in the near future and with it the end of a homeschool grade year. Yes, we homeschool year round; yes, we don’t really think that way; yes, it still creeps into my thinking. With the situation we have had with the kids struggling to read and write and needing vision therapy this time of year always seems to throw into sharp relief the difference between my hopes and our reality.

This year, thankfully, I’ve avoided the melancholy. And the full-scale depression as well.  Hoorah! This year there is just a sense of reflection. A little bit of the ‘waiting for spring’ blues, but mostly a sense that we’ve come a long way and now it’s time to hike up to some sort of promontory and get a look at the terrain ahead.

Sandra is ready for so much. Eager to get on with the serious business of life. The key will be to find a way to challenge her and let her feel like she’s pursuing her path while not pushing too hard and getting back to a place where it’s “I can’t; I’m too dumb, it’s too hard”.

sitting still?

Sitting still?

Tias is still wiggly but less so. Still a creature of his passions and pursuit of comfort and amusement but also ever so slightly willing to be guided to working on his life. Vision therapy this year seemed to unlock his reading, just as it did for Sandra a few years ago. He’s reading with a bit of confidence, a bit of interest. I’m so careful to jealously protect and guard those.

It’s been a week of thinking. Hard to share without seeming whiny, perhaps, which explains my silence a bit. It’s also been a week of the house in pieces as we continue to work on the bathroom while both Rainer and I have running plans that are pushing us hard and have us falling asleep in the evenings.

There are moments when the tangles of it all seem like art, though.


Life and art. Life is art. Reflecting is like letting the art critic loose. LifeArt. What’s my canvas look like? Do we need to buy new brushes?


4 thoughts on “March is…

  1. Mariah says:

    If by “new brushes” you mean seeing your lifeart in a new way or redefining the tools you need to continue with the lifeart you have in progress — I have no doubt you’ll be up to the task. You do seem to be able to adapt to the circumstances of your life without compromising your vision.

    Yea for no melancholy. Self examination can become self mutilation so easily. Good for you for staying clear about what’s what.

  2. tara says:

    This is always the time of year I reflect on homeschooling… what we accomplished, what unexpected journeys we went on, the groove we seem to have found.

    It sounds to me like you are all on track, in the moment and enjoying the ride!

  3. ChristineMM says:

    March is stinky. My kids were very sick and derailed normal plans. Lots of time spent in bed resting and watching TV, with me keeping them company.

    I’m doing a huge decluttering, reorg and house cleaning project that is in the “seems to never end” stage which is discouraging.

    Hang in there.

    I’m envious that you are moving (exercising). I feel so sluggish and have the urge to return to running as I did in high school. Hard exercise in short time with big payoffs sounds good now.

  4. Sandra says:

    You are incredible. Seriously. If you look back over all my comments, I have a feeling I say something along the lines of: You are inspiring. You have such energy, are so thoughtful and terrifically creative. I love you my dear. And I think next March you guys need to roadtrip here for some pretty pink springtime.

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