Like many people who have Opinions about what life ought to hold, I am naturally involved in many organizations and projects. I want something to be, and I’m willing to stick my hand in the air and volunteer.

I’m also introverted. I’m no longer the pathologically shy introvert I used to be, but I am still introverted despite my social boldness. My fondest wishes center around a quiet, busy homelife with vast swaths of time for reading, knitting, playing games, walking, and thinking.

These two facts are in conflict. I know this.

I am also the emotional barometer for the family – when they’re stressed, I’m stressed; when I’m stressed, they’re stressed.

This third fact is also at play.

At this point we might as well add the fact that I am sick and tired of having to invent everything I want in life and want to live in a community where I can just show up for the awesomeness rather than have to make it happen.

So is my life out of balance right now? Or am I telling myself a story about my free time that is making me stressed?

What I am wondering is whether or not my anxiety would dissipate if I chose to see my abundantly busy life as just that – abundant – a sign of joyous bounty. I’ve been trying to train my thoughts to replace one set of reactions and thoughts with a more positive set.

I will admit that I still feel anxious every time I think of the next 6 months. A little, heart-fluttering, worry monster takes up residence in my chest. Little puffs of adrenaline enter my system.

Perhaps you have a magical thought to drop in the comments section. (Perhaps not. We all know that much of blogging is a form of thinking in public and sometimes it’s just valuable to put the thought into words.)

About these ads